Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.