I just pynch a tree in the face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am naked and annoyed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming