Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.