Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
