Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.