i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.