She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
