My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
