My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
