I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
