she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
