Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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