smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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