ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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