i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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