she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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