so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
