i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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