She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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