I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
