need another drink. this is the easiest way
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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