nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
