You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
