then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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