She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
