When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
