i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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