Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
