She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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