I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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