Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sober January is a disaster.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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