He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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