So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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