I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
