i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I CAN MOONWALK!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
