Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
