You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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