eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
