also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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