I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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