Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
