k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
