I want to make a zoo with you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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