he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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