you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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