I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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