So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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