The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
