I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
