So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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