wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
