This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
