Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
