her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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