I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
