Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
