my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize