I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
