You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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