giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
