somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
