rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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