I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i now understand why vodka
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize