i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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