i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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