Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
