So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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