just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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