And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
