I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
