My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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